Vatertag
by Cinerari
Summary: CWZ-verse; Zero did not want to spend one of his least favorite days of the year lost, hungover and handcuffed to one of his least favorite people. Alright, maybe Harlock wasn't one of his least favorite people, but the pirate was sure doing his best to earn the title.


**I couldn't sleep, so have a weird, belated drabble about dumb space captains and sad Zero dad. M/M is jokingly mentioned because. Just because.**

**Edited at 5am, so sorry for any mistakes!**

* * *

There were three days of the year that the crew of the Karyū had learned to be specifically anxious about. Because on those days, no matter where they were or what they were doing, their captain was going to be in a violently foul mood.

Marina had figured out the reason for the first day. That one was simple – the anniversary of the day of the Machine Men's all-out attack on Earth. The other two, well, she wasn't sure, and she was much too polite to ask.

This day in particular was especially odd, because it didn't fall on the same date every time. At first it had seemed random, but finally she'd noticed the pattern. Whatever the third Sunday of June was, it meant something dark to her captain.

"So, why are we staying here?" one of the newer recruits questioned, frowning at the dust motes that hung in the dim lighting of the dusty, old bar.

"It's better for us if the captain gets drunk off the ship," Ishikura explained. He watched the irritable man finish off another shot of amber liquid, slamming the glass down on the bar and barking an order for another.

"Why's that?" the newbie asked.

"If he's out in public, he won't yell at us or anything, and if we let him drink enough, he'll be asleep all of tomorrow. That's the goal."

"What's tomorrow?"

"It's one of the days he gets all angry on for some reason. Last time he didn't get drunk enough the day before, and he woke up with a hangover, got drunk again, and got mad at us when we wouldn't murder a squadron of pirates."

"O-oh."

"Yeah, he's scary."

"Is that much alcohol okay?"

"For him it is," Marina sighed. "Just leave him be. Once tomorrow's over he'll be happier than a puppy with a bone."

The newbie tilted his head curiously. "Really?"

"Mm-hm, so if you have any requests, give them to him then. Ask him for a hug and a home-cooked meal, and he'll probably give you 'em."

"That's even scarier."

The first officer laughed quietly, making sure not to alert her captain while he was in the middle of brooding, but her smile faded at the sight of the new arrivals striding through the door.

"I'm telling ya! If we make panels out of gold, no one'll be able to stop us," the short one grinned.

The taller rolled his eyes. "Tochiro, for the last time, we can't afford them. And you just want them to be flashy. Gold isn't even that strong of a metal."

"Yeah, but I heard rumors of this planet completely made outta gold."

"That's nice." The pirate finally took notice of the group at the tables surrounding him. He cocked a brow before spotting Zero alone at the bar and heading over to the elder captain.

"Thirty cosmo doubloons says he's dead within ten minutes," Ishikura muttered.

"I'll give him fifteen since Tochiro's with him, but they'll both be dead by twenty," Marina nodded.

"Deal."

The newbie stared between the two, dumbfounded. Miss Marina wasn't correcting this sort of behavior? Maybe this day affected everyone oddly. "You're not going to stop him?"

"Why?" Ishikura shrugged. "The higher ups won't really mind if we bring him in dead. Besides, this might be entertaining."

As the crew of the Karyū turned to watch, Harlock took a seat beside Zero, blinking at the mass of used glasses beside him. The pirate gave a low whistle. "How much have you had?"

"Go away," the Independent twitched in irritation.

"Just a bottle of whiskey so far," the bartender answered, idly cleaning a glass.

"Hm, well, can't let you beat me," Harlock smirked. "Get me a bottle, would you?" he nodded to the bartender.

"Why are you still here?" Zero hissed.

"Because if I leave, then that means you've won."

Tochiro scrambled up onto a barstool, nodding in agreement.

The Independent looked close to going for their throats already. "We're not having a drinking contest."

"Then why else are you drinking so much? You were obviously trying to get a head start. That's cheating."

"You're going to win," Marina sighed to the younger officer. "Get ready. This might get bloody."

"Drink all you want," Zero huffed. "Just don't talk to me."

"You must be an angry drunk."

"Not drunk yet. Unfortunately." As the bartender started to pour him another glass, he grabbed the bottle and set to downing it. The harder alcohols were preferable. They burned his throat more and didn't require quite as much to get him drunk.

"Your liver must look interesting," the pirate captain remarked.

The Independent slammed down the empty bottle, nearly causing it to shatter. "You're still talking to me."

"Well, I'm figuring you'll lighten up eventually. Now hang on, I've got some catching up to do."

Zero sighed, dropping his face against the cool bar top. "Why are you doing this?"

"I'm bored," Harlock shrugged. "And we just pulled off a huge job, so I've got to celebrate somehow."

"Did you blow up more of our vessels?"

"Might have."

"I hate you."

"Nah, I don't think you do. Tell you what, if you can beat me, I'll pay your tab."

The cogs of Zero's buzzed brain began to turn. Beating Harlock…actually showing up the pirate bastard…saving money…

"Hell, let's do this," he grumbled. "Line 'em up, bartender."

Harlock barked a laugh. "That's the spirit."

The contest quickly commenced to the sounds of men placing muttered bets behind them, and the elder captain watched irritably as the brat managed to keep up.

One shot.

Two.

Five.

Sixteen.

Twenty…twenty-four?

"Thhhir'y," he slurred after finishing another shot.

Damn, how had the brat not passed out yet?

"Wasn' that thir'y-one?" the pirate frowned.

Zero turned to scowl at him. "God, I hate yer face."

Harlock sent out an unsteady hand, pinching the Independent's nose between his fingers. "Whater you talkin' about? My face's great. Least my nose doesn't take up tha whole thing."

The elder pulled away and quickly covered his nose. "I-it does not!"

"Are you blushin'?"

"No!" Alright, maybe he was a bit subconscious about his nose. Goddamn, why did Harlock of all people have to figure that out?

The pirate broke into a harsh laughter that stopped after Zero reeled back and punched him across the face. As Harlock tumbled from his barstool, the Independent snorted in amusement before taking another shot. "Thir'y-one- oh, hell." he muttered, finding himself falling back off his own seat.

He'd landed hard on the ground, his head swimming. Maybe he'd fallen asleep then. He wasn't really sure. He just found himself waking up. Damn, his head was killing him.

He kept his eyes shut against whatever intruding light was behind his lids. Today didn't feel like a good day.

Someone next to him cursed in a slurred jumble, and he suddenly felt a sharp tugging against his wrist. "The hell?" the voice beside him concurred.

"Harlock?" Zero realized, wincing against the sound of his own voice. He opened his eyes against the harsh glare of the overhanging sun filtering in through the trees surrounding them. The pirate captain sat beside him and yanked curiously against the metal band around his wrist.

"Looks like you caught me," the younger frowned.

Zero finally realized he had in-fact handcuffed the criminal…to himself. And now they were cuffed together…in the middle of a forest. "What happened last night after I punched you?"

Harlock blinked. "You punched me?"

"I think so."

"That would explain why my face hurts."

Actually the pirate was sporting an ugly bruise across his cheekbone that the Independent decided not to mention.

"Well, I have the key so- No don't-!"

The oblivious brunet had pulled out his gun and lazily shot the chain connecting him to the Independent point blank. A violent shockwave of pain shot up through his arm and out to the rest of his body. His vision flashed red against the familiar pain – electricity. His blood may as well have turned to fire, and when the shock had finally worn off, he found himself flat on his back, the treetops filling his eye line.

Zero hissed in pain beside him. "Don't…do that."

"What freakish kind of handcuffs do you have?" the pirate wheezed.

"They're prototypes. My boss wanted me to try them out. Can't use any sort of laser blast against them, because they turn the energy into electricity. That way the prisoner stays a prisoner."

"Oh… Were you supposed to try them out on me?"

"Yes," the Independent responded at length.

"But you weren't supposed to be attached to me, I'm guessing."

"No. This part was a surprise."

"You have the key though?"

Zero shot his hand into his pocket, quite ready to free them both. This wasn't his ideal form of capturing Harlock. He'd do it some other time in a bit more dignified fashion. "I…I should have it," he frowned. In a slight panic, he frantically searched his other pockets.

Harlock shot up into a sitting position once more. "You lost it!?"

"I didn't lose it! I-it must have fallen somewhere when I was drunk."

"Meaning you lost it," the pirate remarked dryly. Before Zero could respond, the pirate cracked a wry grin. "Or maybe you're just doing this on purpose."

"What? No, I'm not trying to capture-"

"Though I've gotta say," the brunet interrupted, "a bedroom would have been a lot better than a forest."

"What?" the elder captain repeated.

"I mean, I didn't realize you were into this sort of thing." The younger rattled the chain between them, his grin widening as his rival's face flushed a brilliant scarlet.

"I-I- you, n-n-no! That was- You bastard!"

Harlock burst into laughter, clutching his stomach. It was just too much fun to rile up someone so by-the-book. "I didn't know you could blush like that," he managed between fits of snickering.

"Let's get back," the Independent growled, shooting to his feet and dragging the pirate along behind him.

"Oye, hang on-hang on!" The brunet stumbled to his feet, racing to match his stride with the irritated man leading them. "Come on, don't take it like that."

"I'm not taking anything like anything," Zero muttered.

"You know the handcuffs come off a bit…well, kinky."

"Please don't use that word."

"Jeez, you are blushing like a schoolgirl. But hey, if you're into that sort of thing-"

During his years at the military training academy, Zero had been through a seminar on how to deal with an escort prisoner should he become a bit rowdy.

Zero never forgot combat training of any form.

Harlock found his knees suddenly out from under him and his cuffed arm twisted mercilessly up behind his back. He considered making another joke about how his rival must have liked it rough, but the feeling of his arm just about being torn from its socket made him think better of it.

"Alright, I'm sorry," he huffed. "I was just trying to cheer you up."

"Cheer me up!?" the elder snarled, jerking the younger to his feet and spinning him around to glare him down. "Harlock, I am not in the mood. I have a bitch of a hangover, and it's-!" But he stopped, the words catching in his throat. The anger drained from him, and he released his hold on the pirate to continue walking. "Let's just get back. There's a spare key on the Karyū."

It's what, Harlock wondered. Sure he hadn't expected a positive reaction from his playful remarks, but he hadn't expected the elder captain to go berserk over it. The Independent's steps had slowed, and his exhausted gaze had fallen to the ground in front of his feet.

"What day is it?" the pirate wondered aloud.

"Don't ask me that!" Zero bristled.

The smaller captain blinked in a startled surprise. Honestly, he just wasn't sure what day it was. "I meant…what's the date?"

"What in the hell kind of question is that?" the taller huffed.

"Sometimes I just lose track. I guess it's because I don't really keep much of a schedule."

"It's the twentieth," Zero answered tiredly. "Sunday."

Harlock wracked his brain for a moment. Sunday…June 20th…third Sunday in June… "Oh, it's Father's Day," he realized.

The elder visibly winced at the words. "Yes," he hissed shakily. "Congratulations."

"Well, happy Father's Day, Zero."

"I'm not your father! You don't say it to me!"

"I don't have anyone to say it to," the pirate shrugged.

"Neither do I." The Independent was quite ready for a change of subject.

"Is that what you're so upset about?"

The taller spun, once more glaring death at the man he was stuck with. "No! It's-!" He sank his canine into his lower lip, nearly breaking the skin. His eyes dropped their gaze to glare at the ground, pain creeping into his expression. "Why are you so interested in my goddamn life anyway?"

"Well I didn't know how far we would be walking and-"

"That's bullshit!" Zero snapped, gabbing the younger by the front of his uniform. "Quit screwing with me! This isn't a joke!"

"Alright," Harlock gave in calmly. "When I saw you yesterday, you looked so angry and upset, and everyone was avoiding you. I know sometimes it's best to be left alone, but whatever it is you're grieving, you shouldn't do it alone. When you close yourself off from everyone, you're only hurting yourself, and I wanted to see if I could cheer you up. You were smiling last night, Zero. You can be happy. It doesn't even require alcohol. You just have to will yourself to get over whatever it is that's holding you back."

The Independent faltered, finding it difficult to swallow. He released the pirate and turned away, only to sigh as the cuffs refused to allow him to go any further. "You know too much."

"I'm just a bit perceptive, and maybe I know a bit of what you're going through," the pirate shrugged with a hesitant smile. He would have placed his hand to his rival's shoulder, but he found doing so would have resulted in an awkward arm tangling.

"God, I hope you never know what this feels like," Zero whispered. "Never have a child, Harlock. It's not safe for people like us. I promised her. I promised both of them. I'd be there, back at home for every Father's Day and anniversary… Don't ever try to live a normal life, Harlock. That's not our fate."

So that was it. Harlock watched his friend stare back into a happier time, the weight in his eyes growing for it. "Never been one for believing in fate," the pirate offered. "That's something we control ourselves."

"Maybe," the Independent murmured.

"And I've certainly always believed in second chances."

Zero smiled, shaking his head. "Come on, you damn pirate. If I stick around you any longer, I might catch some disease from you. Or even worse, start thinking you know what you're talking about."

"I'll ignore that," the brunet remarked, a smirk easing back onto his features. "Hey, do you even know where you're going?"

"Of course I do! My ship was due east from the trees. The sun rises in the east and-"

"That's only on Earth. And this planet has two suns. Zero, we've been headed the complete wrong direction."

For the second time that morning, the elder captain's face burned from a blush. "I-I failed all my navigation classes, alright? My specialty is strategy, not navigation! It's not like navigation is important. We have computers for that. Stop laughing!"

For the second time that morning, the younger captain gasped for breaths around the bright laugh caused by his friend's misfortunes.

"Goddamnit," Zero huffed. "Let's go back before I kill you."

In fact, neither laid a hand on the other for the rest of their walk, even with Harlock's continual pestering. It was just too much fun to irritate the Independent, and much too easy. And very, very rarely, the stone-faced captain would crack a telltale smile that would disappear as quick as it had come. The pirate saw every one.

"Oh, there you are," Tochiro yawned as they emerged from the edge of the thin forest. "Want some breakfast?" He gestured to the pan sizzling bacon over a small fire.

The two captains were a bit too hungry and tired to pass up the offer. "You've been waiting here for us?" Harlock questioned.

"Sure, it was easier than going to look for you. Figured at least one of you would show up eventually."

"Mind filling in some holes for us? Like why we were handcuffed in the middle of the woods."

The short man cocked a brow curiously at the cuffs still linking them "Well, somewhere around the fortieth shot, Zero started strangling you, so his first officer handcuffed you together and convinced Zero that if he killed you, he'd have to drag your body around. You were both so shitfaced that you both accepted that without question."

"So Marina stole my key," Zero realized.

"Well…yeah, but-"

"So why were we in the woods?" the pirate frowned. That had really been bothering him.

"You…" Tochiro snorted, trying to hold back a laughing fit. "You both decided to have a race to see who could get to the other side of the forest first."

"While we were handcuffed?" the Independent sighed.

"Yep," the short pirate grinned. "We tried to stop you, honestly, but you weren't having it. So Marina gave Harlock the key to the cuffs for when you woke up."

The linked captains slowly processed the news. "She…she gave…" Zero managed at length. "You mean... Harlock, you have the key."

The pirate dug curiously into his pocket. "Well, damn." He drew the small silver piece out. "I do."

The elder captain's eye began to twitch as the younger attempted a nervous laugh. "Guess I could have checked sooner. Would have saved…a lot of trouble…"

"I am actually going to kill you," the Independent threatened lowly.

"What?"

Tochiro watched one of his friends begin strangling the other with mild interest. Ah, they'd tire themselves out soon enough. When the bacon was finished cooking, both pirates were black and blue but too interested in food to even remember that they'd been about to kill each other moments before.

"Got any bourbon?" Zero questioned.

"Wine?" Harlock concurred.

"I've got coffee," the short male shrugged. "Figured you'd want to get rid of your hangovers."

"What hangovers?" the two questioned in unison.

"I think you've been stuck together too long," Tochiro laughed. "Speaking of, are you actually going to use that key or are you just going to stay like that?"

The pirate captain glanced around, frowning. "Do you have the key?"

"No, you had it."

"Oh, hell."

"You lost it!?"

"I didn't lose it! I just must have dropped it somewhere."

"Meaning you lost it!"

The shorter pirate stared at the small silver piece on the ground. He could have said something... Ah, well, they'd figure it out eventually.

"This time I am actually going to kill you!"

"You've said that the last five-! Stop trying to strangle me!"

* * *

**Goddamn, I am so quality. So Vatertag or the German Father's Day is apparently used as an excuse for drinking in Germany. Fits in nicely with the boys, I'd say.**


End file.
